Monopoly Millions: Boardwalk & Beyond

I was going to be the next Monopoly millionaire at McDonald's. I was going to be out of debt, get a new computer, and have my picture on the side of the cup like Charlotte M, the old lady who won last year. I even practiced the face I would make in the mirror. I don't want to give it away, because I still might win that Oscar one day, but it looked something like this:
However, I didn't win. The contest isn't over yet, there are a few more days, but I've lost all hope. I only need one game piece in every category. I've had friends and family members in five different states gorging themselves on McDonald's and sending me game pieces, to no avail. I've entered all those codes online, even though those rat bastards only let you put in ten codes a day.

I really thought I was going to win it this year. After all of the smite God has bombarded me with, I honestly believed things would turn around. I went from be an eternal optimist (age 14) to an eternally optimistic pessimist (age 22). I hoped that by age 23 things would get better, and I have to eat every day anyway, so I figured why not win?

But it didn't happen. However, I learned a valuable lesson.

The stomach goes through stages of grief, much like people do when loved ones die.

Stage 1: Denial. At first, nothing was wrong. I knew all the McDonald's I was putting into my body was a bad idea, but physically I was feeling normal.
Stage 2: Anger. By the end of the first week, my stomach was screaming for mercy, angry that I would dare deny it real food.
Stage 3: Bargaining. My stomach would often make deals with me. "If you give me just one piece of broccoli, just one, I won't cramp so much. I promise."
Stage 4: Depression. I got really tired. To fill the spaces between school, work, and McDonald's, I slept. My stomach was depressed and rarely hungered for anything. Still, I continued to shove Big Macs down my gullet.
Stage 5: Acceptance. By the third week, my stomach calmed down and decided to just accept tjhe fact that it wasn't going to get real food until the contest was over.

Isn't that terribly interesting? Maybe I'll get a Nobel Prize for enlightening man-kind. Still, I envy Charlotte M, because she got her picture on the side of the cup. That cunt.

Fast Food Foibles

I ordered a Big Mac for lunch last week at McDonald's. I thought I ordered this:

But I received this:


Messy, but they even have the cheese dripping over the edge. Of course, the thinness of the burger patty is appalling.



I also ordered a Big Mac later in the day for dinner, from the same McDonald's. Yeah, I know, I'll be dead by 24, but I'm trying to win the Monopoly million and there are only a few days left. Again, I'd like you to refer to the first picture of the Big Mac I showed you. This burger was awful.
Save for three strands, I was lettuce-less. And I love lettuce on my burgers. Where's my drippy cheese? I was horrified to see only two pickles, stacked on top of each other so all the flavor is in one bite. The bottom bun was drenched in mayonnaise. It took me a couple of minutes to find the second burger patty.

As a college student, I practically live on take-out. With the addition of the dollar menu at most fast food restaurants, it's cheaper to use the drive-thru than the oven. I work in a casual dining restaurant, so I can usually get some great food discounted at work too.

Lately, I've been terribly disappointed by the quality of the food I receive. I've noticed Burger King NEVER remembers to add cheese when I ask them to. To me, a burger without cheese is like ice cream without sprinkles. Why fucking bother? Burger King even gave me the wrong shake twice. I'm just too lazy to go back and complain, and I'm sure they're not exactly striving for greatness either. McDonald's doesn't salt the fries anymore, and the kicker is most people eat all their fries on the way home with the food, just because there's nothing better than a fresh, hot, salted fry. Wendy's charges fifty cents for extra sauce, which I think is ridiculous. I've had customers ask me for PLENTY of extra sides over the years, but we don't charge for them. I could see asking for a bag full of BBQ sauce with an order of nuggets, but if I don't see a big deal with an extra packet of sauce if it makes your customers happy.

The only fast food restaurant I've been consistently happy with is Taco Bell.

But I digress.